BlueBell’s square
Villagers: Ruby, Ruby, Ruby!
Tom: Oh, that's one more for Ruby.
Lavon: Oh, I'm doomed.
Lemon: No, no, no, no. I will not have that kind of talk, all right? The mayor's race is far from over.
Lavon: Lemon, on the Eve of every election for the last 200 years, the pickin' chicken, or one of its ancestors, has accurately predicted the winner, and this one, oh, is picking Ruby Jeffries every single time.
Lemon: All right, and somehow I, a mere human, have conducted polls every day that show you now in the lead.
Lavon: So, I'm up in the polls. Ooh! But I'm down in the poultry. That's right. I said that.
Lemon: All right, listen, all that matters is tonight's big debate, okay? You crush Ruby Jeffries and tomorrow the only choice that chicken will be involved in is "breast or thigh."
Lavon: Crush.
Lemon: Crush.
Ruby: Lemon? Mayor Hayes?
Lavon: Oh, no, now, it-it-it's Lavon. You know that.
Ruby: I know, but I thought it might be nice to say "Mayor Hayes" since you only have one day left to hear it.
Lemon: Or we have to hear anything from you at all. I know we will all miss the dry, scraping sound of your voice against our ears.
Lavon: I just wish this would all be over with, so we can move on to whatever's next.
Lemon: Yes, indeed. To whatever is next.
Lavon: Huh.
Practice
Brick: Oh, God, not one of these pens works? Damn it, Dr. Hart? Why didn't you order any pens?
Zoe: You know, there have been many scientific advancements since you were in school. Besides gravity, they've discovered that women are not uniquely adapted to order supplies, make coffee, and answer phones.
Magnolia: Daddy, hi. Should I come by after school for my driving lesson?
Brick: Oh, honey, not, no, not today.
Magnolia: Yes, you said you'd teach me to drive if I got my learner's permit.
Brick: Look, honey, to be honest, I rolled the dice on that one. I never saw that happening.
Magnolia: But, daddy, I was really hoping it be like that time when you taught me to ride a bike. Remember that?
Brick: Oh, yeah, sure, sure I do.
Magnolia: No, you don't because it never happened. Oh, now look at you: you feel bad and I hate to see you feeling bad, so teach me to drive.
Brick: All right, fine, tomorrow. Right now, today is fully committed to finding a working pen!
Magnolia: Oh, Dr. Hart, you have to fix my dad.
Zoe: Ooh, I like that idea, but I'm not a vet.
Magnolia: I'm serious. He's crankier than usual, plus now he's not eating and I don't even think he sleeps.
Zoe: Well, that doesn't sound good.
Magnolia: I know, I'm really worried.
Zoe: All right, I'll look into it. I'm sure he's fine though.
Magnolia: I hope so because I'm all alone with him at home now and I am this close to putting him in a nuthouse. I found I can do it with one form off the Internet.
Zoe: Okay.
Rammer Jammer
Zoe: Okay, I got to get going. I have to figure out a way to give Brick an exam. I wish I knew a race track doctor. They're used to dealing with horse's asses.
Wade: Ah, he's fine. He just needs to get laid.
Zoe: Oh, good, why don't you tell magnolia that?
Wade: It's true.
Zoe: Really, that's your cure for whatever's wrong with him? Mad cow disease? Brain tumour?
Wade: Laid.
Zoe: Well, thank you for your nuanced analysis of the problem. But one, Brick is dating Emily, so I'm sure he's fine in that area. And two: is sex that important to you? I mean, if we were to stop having sex, would you turn into a raging lunatic?
Wade: Uh... No.
Zoe: Okay, good.
Wade: Hmm.
Zoe: Because you'd start having sex with someone else.
Wade: You know, it's touching how well you know me.
Practice
Brick: Where the hell are the tongue depressors? How do you run out of cotton swabs? This whole state used to be just fields of cotton swabs.
Zoe: Hey, brick. What's up?
Brick: You know, it was never like this until you came.
Zoe: Right. Hey, I'm just curious. Is anything wrong?
Brick: Yeah, I can never get a decent cell signal in this place.
Zoe: I mean medically.
Brick: Medically?
Zoe: Yeah, you know, it's just that you haven't been your usual charming self, which could be normal for a man of your...
Brick: A man of my what?
Zoe: Height… And number of birthdays to experience hypertension, hormone imbalances, anything that can make you...
Brick: My hormones are fine, thank you very much, but if I do get pregnant, I'll let you know.
Zoe: Brick, you're scaring your daughter. And you're pissing me off. So, I am telling you, as a doctor, to let me examine you.
Brick: And I'm telling you, doctor, the next, and only time, that you will examine me is at my autopsy.
Zoe: Great, finally, something to look forward to.
Rammer Jammer
Lemon: All right, no matter what you just keep reminding people that Bluebell is your home.
AnnaBeth: Yes.
Lemon: Okay, and now, Ruby Jeffries hasn't set foot here in 16 years and she just waltzes in from the big city?
AnnaBeth: Oh, that's good. Say, "big city."
Lemon: And wants to tell us how to run our town?
AnnaBeth: No, ma'am.
Lemon: No, you bury her tonight, the race is yours. You trash her. You bear down.
Lavon: The "big city," bear down.
AnnaBeth: Yeah, punch her in the neck. You hook in and ground and pound… I've been watching mixed martial arts. I'm not proud of it.
Lavon: Bear down. Okay, up top.
Lemon: Boom!
Presley: Hey.
George: Hey.
Presley: I'm nearly done with work. You want to go somewhere and get a drink?
George: Uh, but we already are somewhere to get a drink.
Presley: I know, it's a challenge. When you job's selling liquor, it's hard to leave work behind for the night.
George: Yeah, I feel like I'm asking a stripper to go out dancing… Nope.
Presley: No.
George: You look very nice by the way. But, if you want to stick around, I'm going to moderate this debate and then we can go out after?
Presley: Uh, I'll just go home and change and wait for you; I don't need to watch the debate.
George: You already, uh, you already decided who you're going to vote for?
Presley: No, I just don't vote.
George: Uh...
Brick: Well, that is just not right. You having to watch George dating right under your nose?
Lemon: Oh, it is okay, daddy. I'm just fine.
Brick: You know what? You seem like you really are. Are you seeing someone?
Lemon: Of course not. All right, well, there may be someone I may have feelings for and that's all and I have to say about that, okay? Now, hush.
George: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, if we may. You already know the candidates.
Lemon: Lavon!
George: Thank you. Thank you. Okay, to start out, I'm going to ask each candidate to tell us all in one sentence, "what would make you Bluebell's best mayor?" Oh, and I would also like to ask the candidates to keep the discourse civil. On that note, ladies first.
Ruby: Oh, uh, thank you, George. Thank you so much for that. Because just like you have to prune back those lovely peach trees that y'all have here, to bear more fruit sometimes you have to cut back the dead wood to create new growth.
George: Mayor Hayes?
Lavon: Yeah, I'll tell you why, George. Because Bluebell is my home.
Lemon: Yeah, baby.
All: Whoo!
Lemon: That's right, baby.
Lavon: Though it has been a pleasure having Ms. Jeffries staying in it. Uh, uh, Bluebell, I mean. Not my home. Not my home. Uh, I just mean, that if I had to face someone for re-election, uh, hers is a nice face... To face… Though I haven't seen her face much, I mean. She's been ahead in the polls enough that I-I spent the last month looking at her behind. Back. Back. Looking at her back.
Ruby: Well, mayor Hayes, perhaps, after the election, we can find a way to, uh, work side by side?
Lavon: Ah. Hand in hand to unite the town.
Ruby: Embrace our differences.
Lavon: Kiss... The past... Good-bye.
Ruby: Indeed.
AnnaBeth: Am I the only one that needs a cigarette after that?
Lemon: I think he likes her.
AnnaBeth: This does not happen in mixed martial arts.
Lavon’s house: living room
Lavon: Look, I admit I wasn't on my "a" game last night.
Lemon: That is because you are involved with Ruby Jeffries.
Lavon: I told you I'm not.
Lemon: Then why don't I believe you?
Lavon: You may be naturally distrustful. Due to the circumstances of your life and whatnot.
Lemon: The entire town saw you practically endorse her for mayor.
Lavon: I-I-I was, I was being civil.
Lemon: Fine, then cut it out, okay? You go out, you be seen, but you stay away from Ruby Jeffries, lest you get "civil" with her again and hand her your mayor's hat or gavel or whatever else comes with being mayor.
Lavon: It's nothing really. It's just parking.
Lemon: Hey. It's your choice, all right? You either focus or you lose.
Lavon: O-okay, focus.
Lemon: Yes. Yes.
Lavon: Bear down. Okay.
Lemon: Okay. Got it.
Lavon: Got it.
Lemon: All right, guys, how do we make up for voters we lost because of last night's debacle?
AnnaBeth: I made that list you wanted of still undecided.
Lemon: Great.
Tom: And look what I found... Right there on the edge of town. I double-checked to see if there weren't any doors we didn't knock on. That mobile home wasn't there before.
Lemon: A new resident!
AnnaBeth: Oh!
Lemon: Awesome, okay, great. Everyone needs to take absentee and proxy ballots in case we find any shut-ins at all. And AnnaBeth, I need you to go make sure that whoever lives in that trailer votes for Lavon.
AnnaBeth: Lemon, no, I'm not traipsing through the deep woods, knocking on trailer doors. I have seen that movie, and it is not a comic romp.
Lemon: Wade!
Wade: Uh...
Lemon: Oh, you are so perfect to go search through the woods for a redneck trailer. You'll fit right in. Listen, anyone who cares for Lavon must scour the entire town for additional votes.
Zoe: I want to help. What can I do?
Lemon: Great, you make sure all of your patients go to the polls.
Zoe: I can do that.
Lemon: Great, that's almost two votes right there.
Zoe: Ha ha. Save it. I don't need any grief from any more Breelands this week.
Lemon: What in the world are you wearing? Is that Wade's shirt?
Zoe: Is it? Wade, I told you to do your own laundry. Stop putting your stuff in with mine.
Wade: Oh. Man, I really... Hate... Her.
Practice
Magnolia: How am I supposed to drive with you screaming nonsense the whole time? Ten and two, ten and two.
Brick: Your hands. What do you think of when I say 10:00 and 2:00?
Magnolia: Geometry and P.E.
Brick: Never mind. The lesson is over.
Magnolia: But we hardly drove anywhere.
Brick: We drove me insane. Now, shoo, shoo.
Zoe: I'll teach her.
Brick: You will?
Zoe: Mm-hmm, if you let me examine you.
Brick: Deal. No take-backs.
Rammer Jammer
Lemon: George, listen. Lavon needs all the help he can get. Do you know anyone who hasn't voted yet?
George: Uh, maybe someone that I know. A girl... Uh, or a guy... I don't remember.
Lemon: All right, is this person your girlfriend?
George: We're dating.
Lemon: Is she old enough to vote?
George: Yes.
Lemon: All right, then go. Please, go, go. Okay, okay. Wade, did you check out that trailer yet?
Rammer Jammer / Tansy’s trailer
Wade: You remember my ex-wife Tansy?
Lemon: Oh, good lord, well, does she like you or hate you these days?
Wade: Well, I guess we'll find out… Hey.
Tansy: Hey.
Bakery
Presley: I'll see you later. Well, hey, you.
George: Hey, good morning.
Presley: Morning.
George: Listen, um, I... I... I know that we are in the early, very beginning stages of a relationship and it's great, you know; we're finding new things about each other each and every day, and it's like a rose unfolding...
Presley: George?
George: How can you not vote?
Presley: Oh. I just think that corporations and big money have the system rigged, and I don't want to play. I mean, the "every vote counts" thing is just a way to make regular people think that they have a say in things.
George: No, but they do. That's the whole... That's... That's the whole thing. All right, listen. This election right here... It's a clear choice. All right, on one hand, you got Ruby, who wants to bring chain stores and make this town into a commercial hub. And on the other hand, you got Lavon, who believes in keeping the values that have defined Bluebell forever. We get to choose our future. It's what makes America great. It's what makes America "America."
Presley: Okay, okay, slow down, Uncle Sam. You're so cute. Fine, I'll vote.
George: You will?
Presley: Mm-hmm, for you.
Tansy’s trailer
Wade: Oh, come on. Why's it embarrassing?
Tansy: Just is, I mean... Last time we talked about it, you were all proud of how great I was doing. And after beauty school, mmm. I was full of big plans for my life and career. Then, I didn't get any clients and now, I live in a single-wide trailer on the edge of nowhere.
Wade: Hey, it's a mobile home, all right, and, wow, pretty damn nice one far as I can see.
Tansy: You're being sweet, but it's not exactly living the dream. And here you are, probably about to open up that bar of yours.
Wade: Uh, yeah, hey, anyway, hey, you had a chance to vote yet today?
Tansy: No, I didn't.
Wade: Well, it's all right. You can, uh, come to town with me, vote for Lavon.
Tansy: No, I-I didn't because I can't vote in Bluebell. I don't live in town.
Wade: Yeah, you do. I saw a map.
Tansy: I found out from the utilities guy the town line is right over there. I'm six feet outside it.
Wade: Well, so, close enough, right? Come on.
Tansy: Wade, I can't.
Wade: You being serious right now?
Tansy: Well, it's dishonest.
Wade: Oh, for God's sake, Tansy. It's six feet. Come on!
Tansy: Don't you start yelling at me. I do not have to jump every time you say "frog" anymore, Wade Kinsella.
Wade: And why you got to make such a big deal about all this stuff? Just get in the car.
Tansy: Why do you not respect what I want? This is why I'm taking those self-empowerment DVDs I get out of the library.
Wade: Oh, you must've fast-forwarded through the part where it told you how not to end up living in a trailer.
Tansy: Mobile home, which I thank you to leave now.
Wade: Hey, Tansy. Hey.
Tansy: Go away.
Wade: Well, how much further you want me to go? I'm already standing clear over in the next town!
Polls
Villager 1: Good luck today, mayor.
Villager 2: You coming to vote, mayor?
Ruby: Um. L-Lavon, hey, ooh, hi. Um... What was that last night?
Lavon: Hmm, uh, last night?
Ruby: Yeah, last night, the debate. Were... Were you flirting with me?
Lavon: Flirting?
Ruby: Yeah.
Lavon: Whoa, ooh. What?
Ruby: Are you saying that you weren't?
Lavon: Nope. Nah-uh. Why? Were you?
Ruby: Was I? Flirting with you? Of course I was. Yeah, I'm just a giggly schoolgirl with a big old crush on famous Lavon Hayes.
Lavon: Uh... Uh, uh, no, no. Yeah, I-I mean, 'cause what, we been talking, and, uh, I was, I was wondering about your plans.
Ruby: My plans?
Lavon: After the election, you know, you seem like you've been warming up to certain things in Bluebell… People.
Ruby: Well, after the election, I plan to be mayor, so I plan to be busy.
Lavon: No, no, I-I I'm just, uh... Saying.
Ruby: If I lose?
Lavon: Mmm.
Ruby: Is what you saying, right? With no other reason to stick around town, right? Well, don't you worry, mayor. I'll be on the first bus out of town.
Zoe’s exam room
Zoe: Will you stop playing with your phone, please? Thank you. Now, how are your sleeping habits?
Brick: Horizontal.
Zoe: Funny. Diet?
Brick: Normal.
Zoe: Hmm, I don't think you're taking this seriously.
Brick: Also normal.
Zoe: Well, I know that things must be strange around the house now. Lemon moving out. You raising Magnolia all by yourself.
Brick: Okay, stop. Dr. Hart, thank you. I'm fine. I mean, if I've been a little crabby lately I apologize. Maybe it's Magnolia driving. After you give your first drive lesson on fifteen see if it doesn't make you crazy.
Zoe: Fair enough.
Brick: Yeah.
Zoe: And how are things with Emily?
Brick: They're great. Um, it's just fine. Thanks… You know, maybe that's my, uh thyroid, you should check it.
Tansy’s trailer
George: Okay, what is it? What do you need my help with?
Wade: Well, this trailer, uh, belongs to Tansy. You remember Tansy right?
George: Yes, I do, and if you brought me out here to mediate some dispute between you and your ex-wife, well last time I did that, I got shot in the leg with an arrow, so...
Wade: Well, you kind of shot yourself in the leg with an arrow but, uh…
George: The safety was off. Wade!
Wade: Wait, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I didn't bring you here to mediate a dispute, all right? Brought you here to link up your truck with the trailer here. You're going to drag it about six feet that way across the Bluebell town line.
George: I'm sorry. What?
Wade: So Tansy can vote on the election today, come on.
George: And you and Tansy discussed this?
Wade: Of course we did. Come on. But, you know, Tansy, she's-she's got, you know, "integrity" or whatever, so, uh, she won't vote unless she lives in Bluebell. So, we got to bring her trailer over into Bluebell.
Tansy: George Tucker, if you touch my house, I will have you put in jail.
Wade: Well, see, I said I discussed it with her… Didn't say it went well, but, you know.
Lavon’s house: living room
Lavon: You promised I'd what?
Lemon: Well, I got desperate, okay? I was trying to get all these undecided voters over to your side and they kept talking about what Ruby Jeffries would do for them, as if she will, and one guy said, "hey, what will Lavon Hayes do for me?"
Lavon: Uh-huh, and-and you said?
Lemon: Cut your yard. I mean, it just sort of came out so.
Lavon: I'm not cutting people's yards!
Lemon: It's just a few, okay?! And paint one fence. Oh, and one lady said that she needs her birdhouse fixed because squirrels can get in the way it is now.
Lavon: I don't care! It's undignified.
Lemon: It's votes.
Lavon: It's buying votes, and Lavon Hayes does not buy votes.
Lemon: Oh, really? Well, then you have to do something, okay? Because I'm out there killing myself trying to get you every single vote by 5:00 P.M., and you act like you don't even want Ruby Jeffries out of our lives!
Lavon: Oh, oh, oh! See? That seems like the most important part of the whole thing to you! Now why do you care so much about getting rid of Ruby Jeffries?!
Lemon: You know what? I don't. Okay? Because if you don't care, why should I? I quit.
Lavon: What?!
Lemon: You know what, let her be mayor. Let her be queen, for all I care, you know? Why don't you name the whole damn town after her if that's what you want?! You can put out a little sign right at the edge of town, that says, "now entering Ruby Jeffries bell. Population: you!
Car
Zoe: Put your foot on the gas pedal. Okay, just switch off...
Magnolia: Oh, my God, I did it! I made a right-hand turn! I can drive! I have to text everyone and tell them.
Zoe: No, no, no, no! No texting.
Magnolia: But that's like it never happened.
Zoe: Absolutely no texting while driving ever.
Magnolia: Dr. Hart, no! I need it back. Please? I'm serious. I won't text.
Zoe: Why do you need your phone so badly?
Magnolia: Never mind. Someone was supposed to text me. Whatever.
Zoe: Oh... A boy?
Magnolia: No, it's just some guy... Lucas. He said he would text me about studying together, and he hasn't. I hate him.
Zoe: I'm sorry. You know, between you and your dad, I have been competing with cell phones all day.
Magnolia: I know. He's even worse than me.
Zoe: Yeah, it's weird, right?
Magnolia: Yeah.
Zoe: Is everything okay with him and Emily?
Magnolia: Yeah, like I keep up. Hey, can you teach me how to power-slide now?
Zoe: No.
Tansy’s trailer
Wade: It's six feet, Tucker. It is six feet!
George: It's kidnapping, Wade! Kidnapping!
Wade: I didn't call George Tucker the lawyer, all right? I called George Tucker, the guy with a trailer hitch. And what if Tansy's vote could make the difference in Lavon winning, and we didn't even try, huh? Huh?!
George: Over there. Go over there, and you stay put… Tansy?
Tansy: What?
George: Hey, Tansy. Listen, I understand that you got yourself all settled here, and you picked a real great spot for yourself, but I just wanted to know if you would consider moving the six feet back to Bluebell just for the day?
Tansy: I'm sorry. I cannot go back to Bluebell. Too many memories.
George: What? 'Cause of Wade? Oh, come on. Tansy, heck, if everybody who got mad at Wade moved out of Bluebell, the place would be a ghost town.
Tansy: Here's how stupid I am: I actually thought when he showed up today it was to see how I was doing. He knows I got my cosmetology license, and never even asked me to cut his hair.
George: Well, you could cut my hair.
Tansy: What?
George: Yeah. You know, I'm pretty well-known in Bluebell, and I'm thinking if I go walking around with a brand-new haircut, people might ask me where I got it. I'd be like a walking advertisement for your business.
Tansy: Yes, you would.
George: If... You come with us today and vote for Lavon.
Tansy: Deal. Get in here.
George: All right.
Wade: Oh, George the hero?
George: Oh, no, Wade, stop it! Stop it! You're embarrassing me. You really are.
Wade: Hey.
Rammer Jammer
AnnaBeth: There you are. Lavon said you quit?
Lemon: It's true.
AnnaBeth: Well, I'm not happy about that at all. That's you quitting on me.
Lemon: I don't see how.
AnnaBeth: Because if you get Ruby out of the picture and out of town, I have a shot with Lavon.
Lemon: I'm sorry. I just can't do that.
AnnaBeth: Why not? Ruby doesn't get to swoop in and take him. I saw him first.
Lemon: No, you didn't.
AnnaBeth: Well, okay, high school doesn't count, but you know...
Lemon: No. I mean, I did.
AnnaBeth: I'm sorry? Wait. You mean you and...? Lemon...
Lemon: We were in love once… And lord help me, I still think I am.
AnnaBeth: Does Lavon still feel the same way?
Lemon: No. No, I don't think so.
AnnaBeth: Does he know how you feel?
Lemon: No. I mean, the last time that we discussed it, I insisted quite firmly that I did not. I mean, I was getting ready to marry George. And then working so closely with Lavon during the campaign, I felt myself... I just, I allowed myself...
AnnaBeth: Oh, my. And there I was throwing myself at the mayor like he was on fire and I needed to put him out. I'm so sorry.
Lemon: It's okay. You didn't know.
AnnaBeth: Me always going on about his body... And how he'd look under those clothes. Good lord. While all this time, you already knew.
Lemon: AnnaBeth.
AnnaBeth: Hmm?
Lemon: I'm not telling you.
AnnaBeth: I know.
Inside Tansy’s trailer
Tansy: Wade Kinsella. He's like a dog I shouldn't have fed. No matter what I do to rid myself of him, he always ends up in my yard.
George: Well, maybe it's fate then. Hey, hey, hey, hey. No laughing with scissors back there near my head.
Tansy: Beats a crossbow.
George: The safety was off.
Tansy: Don't twist around. I can't see.
George: Sorry.
Tansy: Fate. That's another word for blind and deaf. Yeah, sticking something out everyone and their mother could see didn't work from the get-go.
George: Come on. Even from the start?
Tansy: Yep. Fought from day one.
George: For real? Why keep at it?
Tansy: Thought it was "passion"" turned out we just didn't get along. Every clue that you're not meant for each other is there from the beginning, but you want so bad for it to work, that you ignore all the signs. Of course, taking 15 years to notice is just nuts.
George: Hey, now, Lemon and I were very... What in the hell?! Wade! Wade, stop the truck! Wade, stop the truck! Oh... Oh, no!
Tansy: Oh, my! It's okay. It's fine. I can't even see it.
George: Wade...!
Practice
Zoe: You keep checking your phone.
Brick: So?
Zoe: You're waiting for Emily to call.
Brick: That is none of your concern.
Zoe: Did you have a fight?
Brick: No.
Zoe: Did she break up with you?
Brick: No, she did not break up with me. She did not have the decency to break up with me. She hasn't returned my calls for three days. She'll send an occasional text message saying, "oh, sorry. Call you soon." With a little "u." And she doesn't call. When she first went back to Charlotte, we talked all the time… Yeah, I know what's going on.
Zoe: You don't know.
Brick: Yeah, right. I'm not stupid. She's seeing someone else. Or she was seeing someone before she came down here, and I was a vacation or a mild diversion.
Zoe: Stop. You don't know. And you have to stop torturing yourself.
Brick: You mean torturing you.
Zoe: Yes, that, too. Look, if she won't call you, you need to go to north Carolina, face her, and get the truth.
Brick: I'm not going up there. I mean, I'd probably walk in on her and her secret family.
Zoe: Brick, you really like Emily. That doesn't come along many times in life. I mean, yours, what, twice? I just think that a man of your... Height. You know, you can't wait around forever. You deserve to know the score. I don't know what it takes to get to Charlotte from here, but...
Brick: There's a flight out of mobile at 6:00. One hour, 41.
Zoe: Go.
Brick: You know, if I stop by the house, pick up some clothes, I could just make it. Oh, Lordy!
Zoe: What?
Brick: I forgot to vote!
Polls
Dash: One minute, 15 seconds.
Practice
Magnolia: Daddy...
Brick: Can't talk right now. Look, you stay at your sister's place tonight. I have to vote by 5:00 and then take a quick trip.
Magnolia: But it's almost exactly 5:00 now.
Zoe: She's right. Wait! Lemon gave me absentee and proxy ballots!
Brick: Oh!
Polls
Dash: One minute.
Practice
Brick: Doesn't write.
Zoe: Oh, for the love...!
Polls
Dash: 20 seconds. Well, anybody left? Six, five... Harley, ring the bell.
Practice
Zoe: Made it! I saw it. It's legal. Now go. I'll go turn this in at the polling place.
Magnolia: Dr. Hart, no! I have been promised a driving lesson.
Brick: I signed it before the deadline. It counts as much if you hand it in now or an hour from now.
Zoe: Okay. All right, let's drive. It is only one vote.
Rammer Jammer
Tom: It's a tie!
Lavon’s office
Lavon: A tie? So now what?
Dash: Well, I dug up a copy of the Bluebell constitution and by-laws, it says the first tiebreaker is a recount, which we already did.
Lavon: So what's the next tiebreaker?
Dash: "A contest of athletic skill..."
Lavon: Athletic. Yeah, bring it on!
Dash: "In which weapons are chosen between iron club or a pointed stick."
Lavon: Next.
Dash: Then, by legal mandate of the town's constitution, the third and last tiebreaker is...
Rammer Jammer
Lemon: The chicken decides?
Tom: And once it picks, the result is final.
Lemon: Well, how does a law like that get in the constitution?
AnnaBeth: Oh, there's lots of old laws like that on town books. In auburn, Alabama, it is officially against the law to deflower a virgin.
Lemon: So what? In auburn, you're unlikely to encounter one.
AnnaBeth: Hey!
Lemon: I can't believe this is happening! And that chicken always picks Ruby!
Customer: Hey, tom, what's going on?
AnnaBeth: That's right. Meaning that Ruby will stay in town, giving her and Lavon a chance without Lavon ever even knowing how you feel about him.
Lemon: I don't know if Lavon even cares how I feel.
AnnaBeth: But you should be in the race. Go tell him before it's too late. Don't put your heart in the hands of a chicken.
Lemon: You always give such good advice. I wish I'd had more to drink.
AnnaBeth: No, no. You've had plenty.
Lavon’s office
Wade: Hey, man, why aren't you in town with everybody else waiting for the results to come in?
Lavon: Watching a chicken pick our mayor? Come on. We're gonna be the laughingstock of every town in America.
Wade: You could be the mayor of that laughingstock.
Lavon: I won't be. The chicken picks Ruby every time.
Wade: Okay, but what if it doesn't?
Lavon: Then she leaves town.
Wade: Whoo... I'm guessing that isn't the greatest outcome either.
Lavon: So you can understand my problem?
Wade: Yeah. But does Ruby understand it?
Lavon: That is unclear.
Wade: If that chicken picks you tonight... She never will.
Lavon: You think that could happen?
Wade: Well, Lavon, it is a chicken.
Lavon: Okay, I'm going.
Wade: All right. Get 'em.
Lemon: Lavon, Lavon!
Lavon: No, I can't talk now. There's something I got to do.
Lemon: Wait. Lavon, please?!
Wade: Is it just me or was last election day an altogether quieter event?
BlueBell’s square
Dash: Make ready the arena! Tom, bring the chicken.
Tom: Yes, sir!
Wade: Hey-o.
Tansy: Guess what, genius? The polls were closed already, so even if I wanted to vote, I can't!
George: Great day's work, Wade. Really great. Not only did you endanger our lives, you hijacked a house, and because of you, Tansy gave me the worst haircut in the history of the world!
Tansy: Yes, George, thank you so much. You really are a walking advertisement!
George: Wait, Tansy, I...
Wade: Well, nice work, buddy.
George: Go.
Car
Zoe: Foot on the gas… Whoa! Okay
BlueBell’s square
Lavon: Ruby. Ruby, we need to talk.
Ruby: Okay, okay, hold on. I just need to see what this chicken's gonna do.
Lavon: No. Now… C-come on.
Presley: There you are, Captain America.
George: Hey.
Presley: I want to show you my fancy sticker.
George: Oh, well, look at that. Somebody voted. And it's awesome that you did, because if you wouldn't have, Lavon would have lost by one vote. So, every vote does count.
Presley: I know. It really is cool. Except, uh, actually, I voted for Ruby.
George: No, no, no, no! Presley, you were supposed to vote for Lavon!
Presley: Okay, wait. Are you mad at me?
George: No. No. I just... I had, I had laid out the choices for you, and I thought that I made the choice really clear.
Presley: Okay, so, it's super-important for America and all that I vote, but only if I vote how you want me to?
George: No! I mean, in this case, yes, but-but no.
Presley: Wow.
George: No! I mean, no. Yes.
Presley: Wow. Because I'm getting a real strong "run away" vibe right now that I think I'm gonna listen to. So let's just call this a bullet dodged, okay, Captain, and say bye-bye… Oh… And nice haircut.
George: Presley...
Street
Lavon: Okay. Yeah, I was flirting with you in the debate. But I didn't mean to. You just bring it out in me. And I thought I'd felt something coming back the other way, and if I got that wrong, then I'm sorry. But, oh, you're probably going to be mayor anyway, and I thought that would make me feel bad, but if it means you staying here, I really don't know how it makes me feel. You see what you did?
Ruby: I was flirting with you, too… But then you said you weren't, and I got scared and... Lavon, I've been hurt by you already, and I don't want to go through that again. And if I lose, I figured I'd just skip town without getting any further... Involved.
Lavon: And what if you win?
Ruby: Well, then I got myself a big problem then, don't I?
BlueBell’s square
Villagers: Ruby! Ruby! Lavon! Lavon!
Zoe: Hey, Dash.
Dash: Hey.
Zoe: Lots of excitement, huh?
Dash: Yes, it is.
Zoe: Uh, what do I do with this absentee ballot?
Dash: What? T-Tom, stop the chicken!
Lemon: Where is he? Where's Lavon?
AnnaBeth: I don't know.
Dash: May I have your attention, please! As superintendent of elections, I have examined the ballot, and... And I have declared it valid. And by one vote, the election goes to Mayor Lavon Hayes! Now, okay, now, now, now... Can we locate Mayor Lavon Hayes? And also Ruby Jeffries? Can we do that? Oh, my.
Tom: Oh, I found him.
Rammer Jammer
Dash: Everybody, to our new mayor, Lavon Hayes!
Lavon: Oh, thank you. Thank you!
Ruby: Excuse me. Uh, excuse me. Uh, excuse me. I'd like to propose a toast. While campaigning, I got to meet all of the good people of this town. And while I originally planned to be on the first bus if I lost, I realized that there are other things worth sticking around for… To Bluebell!
Zoe’s office
Brick: Hey. Zoe, can you see... Can you see me? Zoe? Hey.
Zoe: Brick? Is that you?
Brick: Hey, can you see me?
Zoe: Whoa! Kind of, but you don't have to lean in so close to talk.
Brick: Oh.
Zoe: Where are you?
Brick: I'm at Emily's house.
Zoe: Oh! Well, what happened?
Brick: Well, it was just a misunderstanding is all. I feel like such a dummy. She wasn't calling me back because she was working double-time so she could take some time off... Ain't that right? And she was gonna pay me a surprise visit. If I'd been another hour late, we would've missed each other entirely.
Zoe: Oh, yay. That's great. So everything's good, and you are not a pain in the ass anymore?
Brick: Well, I wouldn't go that far, but, yeah, things here are very good. And I also wanted to tell you...
Zoe: Oh, don't worry about it. You don't have to thank me.
Brick: To order supplies tomorrow. I do not want that place falling apart just 'cause I'm here. Okay?
Zoe: Wait, what'd you say, Brick?
Brick: No.
Zoe: Oh, bad connection. You're breaking up. Ah!
Brick: Zoe...
Zoe: Bad connection!
Lavon’s house: living room
Lavon: Hey.
Lemon: Oh, I'm sorry. I just came to collect my things. I thought that you'd be at your party a little longer.
Lavon: Yeah, I looked for you there… What was it you wanted to say before?
Lemon: You know what? I... I don't remember.
Lavon: Huh.
Lemon: Hmm.
Lavon: I'm actually glad you came by.
Lemon: You are?
Lavon: Yeah. I wanted to give you something… Just to say thank you. I couldn't have done this without you. To be able to work together. I was a little worried. But look how far we've come.
Lemon: It's a candle.
Lavon: I hope it's your taste, you know. I never know what you want, so...
Lemon: It's lovely. Thank you… It was a pleasure serving you, Mr. mayor… Congratulations on your victory.
Zoe’s house
Wade: So I was right about Brick, huh? He just needed to get laid.
Zoe: It's a bit more nuanced than that.
Wade: I doubt it.
Zoe: He just needed to feel connected.
Wade: Oh, it's a funny way to feel connected, choosing someone that lives 600 Miles away. I mean, it's a pretty lousy start.
Zoe: It's not about the distance. You know, people can conquer... Miles, any sort of obstacle, if it's meant to be. Look at what we all went through today just to choose the next two-year mayor of Bluebell. You think we're remotely qualified to pick who we're supposed to be with for the rest of our lives?
Wade: Hmm. Good point. Hell, kind of decisions I've been making recently, I'm probably better off letting a chicken decide.
Zoe: What?!
Wade: Ooh!
Zoe: You are such a jerk!
Tansy’s trailer
George: All right. Looks like you're all set.
Tansy: Thank you for getting me set up again. Sorry about Wade. I should distribute cards: "Sorry about Wade."
George: No. No, it's fine. But I wanted to thank you for giving me that advice earlier… About finding clues to figure out if you're right for somebody right from the start, you know. Kept me from chasing down another wrong street, so...
Tansy: Good God, if I'm giving relationship advice, the world is definitely off its axis.
George: But what I was hoping you also might be good at is, uh... Helping me fix this haircut, somehow.
Tansy: That I can do. I mean, if... You trust me to.
George: I trust you just fine.
Tansy: Come on.
