Zoe’s house
Wade:
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bullfrogs all have rubber teeth
And the something, something
Eggs
Da-da-da-da-da-da-dee.
Doc, what are you doing?
Zoe: What are you doing?
Wade: It's called painting. Maybe you've seen it on one of your HGTV channels.
Zoe: Who paints half dressed? Would you cover up?
Wade: You're one to talk, lying around in that skimpy little T-shirt when you know I'm coming over to paint. I'm just saying, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to lure me into bed even though I've told you I'm through with all that and I won't be changing my mind any time soon.
Lavon’s house: kitchen
Zoe: Seriously, it's been a week. You couldn't find anyone else to paint my place?
Lavon: Wade's on my payroll. Besides, you're just upset because you two aren't sleeping together anymore.
Zoe: I'm not upset. I am annoyed because I keep waking up to paint fumes, courtesy of a shirtless and slightly off-key bartender who thinks he's Blake Shelton.
Lavon: At least you slept last night.
Zoe: Uh-oh, another Ruby Jeffries dream?
Lavon: I dreamed it was election night. She won in a landslide… She got every vote except for one.
Zoe: Oh, my God.
Lavon: I know, you didn't even vote for me.
Zoe: No, oh, my God, I mean that. Tomorrow is the 18th? I totally forgot. A reporter from my med school alumni magazine is coming to follow me around.
Lavon: That's what the big "A" is for? I mean, I-I thought it meant you were menstruating or something.
Zoe: Why would that get an "A"?
Lavon: Why is the alumni magazine coming to follow you around?
Zoe: Because I am making a difference, Lavon. Each month I read about all the awesome, world-changing things my classmates are doing. Cleo Green joined Doctors without Borders. Melanie Derman is curing cancer at Sloan-Kettering.
Lavon: "Zoe Hart is retired in BlueBell, Alabama."
Zoe: That is not funny.
Lavon: Well, you're not retired.
Zoe: No, and that is what I told them in a very long e-mail. I wrote that I am a "thriving and beloved G.P. in a small town where every day brings a new medical adventure. And I'm changing lives and healing the world by reinventing health care in BlueBell, Alabama." I may have exaggerated a little.
Lavon: Well, the good news is, you still got a day.
Zoe: 24 hours to reinvent health care and change the world… Piece of cake.
Breeland’s house: living room
Lemon: This is unbelievable.
Brick: It's impossible.
Lemon: Well, what are we going to do about it?
Brick: We? What-what are you talking about?
Lemon: That venomous piece of work, Ruby Jeffries, running for mayor against Lavon. Wait, what about you? What's impossible?
Brick: It is 575 miles to Charlotte, North Carolina. That's a ten-hour drive.
Lemon: Oh, you miss Emily.
Brick: Yeah, yeah, we were planning on seeing each other a couple times a month, but even for a long-distance relationship, that's...
Lemon: A long distance. Well, hey, Daddy, people do it.
Breeland’s house: patio
George: Dr. Breeland.
Brick: Well, well, well, George.
George: Listen, I was, I was hoping to talk to Lemon. So, may I come in?
Brick: Well, let's see. Last time you were in this house, you broke my daughter's heart. You humiliated my family. So you can understand my hesitation.
George: You have to understand how very truly sorry I am about everything that happened.
Brick: Oh, yes, I got your letter.
George: Which I wrote because you won't return my phone calls or see me at your office. Brick, please, take me up on my offer. Let me reimburse you for the wedding… Okay. I just hope that things won't always be this uncomfortable between the two of us.
Brick: Well, you should have thought about that before you abandoned my daughter at the altar, surround...
Lemon: Daddy?
Brick: I will be upstairs, sweetheart, if you need me.
Lemon: Thank you… Something I can do for you, George?
George: Listen, I know that this hasn't been easy. Um, but I wanted to say that I was... I was happy that we got to talk the other night at the Rammer Jammer. And I'm glad that we're keeping things civil… And, to that end, I just... I just wanted to give you a heads-up: I am going on a date tonight.
Lemon: A date? Really? With whom?
George: Uh, no one you know. She's not even from here. But I just... I wanted you to hear it from me and not the rumour mill, so...
Lemon: I appreciate that, George. You know, there's no reason why we can't be adults about this.
George: That's exactly what I was-was hoping.
Lemon: Yes.
George: Okay.
Lemon: Okay.
George: Have a good day.
Rammer Jammer
Zoe: Excuse me. Could I get everyone's attention?
Wade: Doc, what are you doing?
Zoe: Saving lives… Hello, people of BlueBell. Today is your lucky day. Because it's my privilege to introduce to you the Dr. Zoe Hart Three-Point Initiative for Better Living. Whoo-hoo! Step one: sign a petition to encourage our dining establishments to offer heart-healthy menus. Step two: sunrise boot camp on the town square. Aerobics, wind sprints, a 5K fun run… Hey, did you not hear the word "fun?" Come on, people, this is your wake-up call. Look at yourselves. Sal?
Sal: What?
Zoe: Fried chicken for lunch again?
Sal: It's free range.
Zoe: Cody. Put down that milk shake and get that butt on a bicycle.
Cody: Dr. Hart, I'm not sure public humiliation's called for.
Zoe: I say, turn "humiliation" into "motivation." Okay, okay. Where do you think you're going, pasty? Hmm? Can you even do a push-up?
Martin Hines: Excuse me? Uh, am I in the right place? I'm looking for a Dr. Zoe Hart, beloved small town G.P.
Zoe: Do I know you?
Martin Hines: I'm Martin Hines. I'm from the Johns Hopkins Alumni Magazine.
Zoe: I'm here to do a profile on you. You weren't supposed to be here till tomorrow. You're early.
Wade: Hey, maybe you should make him do some push-ups for that.
Practice
Zoe: It may not look like it, but this is truly a comprehensive health care facility.
Martin Hines: Do you have digital imaging?
Zoe: Hmm, did you say "cappuccino maker"? Why, yes, we do.
Martin Hines: What about the "variety of medical anomalies" you mentioned in your e-mail.
Zoe: Oh, right, that. Well, you have to be prepared for anything to walk through that door. Hunting injuries, tropical diseases, compound fractures, you name it.
Tom: Dr. Hart? Medical emergency.
Zoe: Here we go. Uh, it's going to be okay, Tom. Let's get you into Procedure Room Two.
Tom: What? I don't...
Zoe: Never mind. What's the emergency?
Tom: My arm. It's all red and itchy.
Martin Hines: So, it's a rash?
Zoe: Well, it could be any number of poisonous...
Tom: No, it's a rash, he's right. But I got a date with Wanda tomorrow. And I don't want to be itching through dinner. It'll gross her out.
Martin Hines: Rash, gross. Okay, you know what? I think I've got everything I need. I'm gonna go check out of my B and B.
Zoe: But-but there's so much more to see.
Tom: Now, which one is Procedure Room Two again?
Zoe: Tom.
Cafe
Lemon: AnnaBeth? I need you… George Tucker is dating.
AnnaBeth: What? Already? Who is she?
Lemon: I don't know, and it doesn't matter. What matters is that George Tucker is dating.
AnnaBeth: Yeah, you said that part.
Lemon: See, every breakup is a race between the two people that broke up. And right now George Tucker is pulling ahead.
AnnaBeth: It's only one date.
Lemon: It means that he has moved on. And once BlueBell sees that he has moved on before I have, I will forever be perceived as the loser in this breakup and it will define the rest of my life.
AnnaBeth: I'm not sure that's how it works.
Lemon: Well, you know what? George Tucker does not get to write my story. You and I are gonna go out and hit the town and meet guys tonight.
AnnaBeth: Tonight?
Lemon: If George Tucker is going out on a first date, I can lap him by meeting a guy and getting into a relationship.
AnnaBeth: I had plans tonight. I was going to...
Lemon: Stay at home and wallow because your finalized divorce papers came in?
AnnaBeth: How did you know?
Lemon: Otis the chatty postman. And the comfort pastry.
AnnaBeth: Four years of marriage reduced to a list of assets. Including a riding lawn mower that doesn't mow and Jake's crappy houseboat that I can't wait to sink.
Lemon: Which is exactly why you need a night out on the town with me, AnnaBeth. Come on, let's go get ourselves a couple new dresses… You can finish your cream puff, of course.
BlueBell’s square
Ruby: Ruby for change. Ruby for change. Here you are, thank... Making BlueBell shine again. Hello. Hi. Ruby for change. Ruby for change... Number five on your ballot.
Lavon: Blue cupcakes, shaped like bells. That's cute. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Ruby: Sure... Excuse me... As long as you're not going to ask me again if I'm really running for mayor.
Lavon: Are you really running for mayor?
Ruby: Lavon, I can't back out now. I have a sign.
Lavon: Oh, this is just all a joke to you, isn't it?
Ruby: Mmm.
Lavon: Uh-huh. Just a way to get under my skin.
Ruby: Oh, yes, yes, yes, right. I'm running for mayor just to irritate you.
Lavon: Oh, now you're being sarcastic. But I think you're running for the wrong reasons and you should just drop out of the race.
Ruby: You know, you are even more arrogant now than when you went off to college. Maybe you should drop out of the race.
Lavon: Me? Well, I am the mayor.
Ruby: And I'm running for mayor because I have a vision for this town and the leadership skills to get it there. Lavon, why do you want to stay mayor?
Lavon: Why do I want...
Ruby: Come on. Give me three reasons right now.
Lavon: I don't need to explain myself to you.
Ruby: And that's the problem right there. If you can't come up with five words as to why you want to be mayor, maybe you should step aside and let somebody else do it… Oh, yes, please, please, take one. Ruby for mayor. Yes, Ruby for change.
Zoe’s exam room
Zoe: This is cortisone cream. Apply it twice a day, and you should be fine for your date. Is there anything else?
Tom: Well, n-now that you mention it, my fingers are a little numb and tingly. Like I stuck them in an electrical socket.
Zoe: Did you?
Tom: Yeah, right. Not since I was 15.
Zoe: Well, it could be a bit of carpal tunnel... Huh.
Tom: What, what is it?
Zoe: Are your eyes bothering you?
Tom: No, why, what-what do you see?
Zoe: Oh, just a little more inflammation than I ought to.
Tom: Uh, is-is that bad?
Zoe: No. Well, probably not. Tom, just wait here a sec. I'll be right back.
Clothing store
AnnaBeth: Sweetie, I'm gonna go on record one more time and say I don't think this is a good idea.
Lemon: I know exactly what I'm doing. Tonight we will head out of town in our shiny new dresses. I will find myself a shiny new beau, who will bring me back into to town and we will conveniently be spotted kissing good night. In the morning, Wanda will serve my ex-fiance the gossip with his morning grits.
AnnaBeth: And that's the plan?
Lemon: It is.
AnnaBeth: Then that's the dress you need.
Shelby: Oh, my God. I couldn't possibly love it any more than I love it.
Lemon: I don't think so, as being arrested for indecent exposure is not a part of the plan.
Shelby: And it is perfect for my date tonight. George Tucker is going to love it.
AnnaBeth: Oh, my God. Did she just say...
Lemon: AB, I believe you were right. We're gonna find ourselves a couple of dresses just like that one.
AnnaBeth: Should not have had that cream puff… Oh.
Practice
Brick: It is the 21st century. Guess how many direct flights there are between here and Charlotte, North Carolina?
Zoe: Hypothetically, if a patient were to present with ulcerations, a coppery skin rash, numbness in the extremities, and keratitis, what would you say?
Brick: Hypothetically? I would say that you found yourself a time machine and went back in the days of the Old Testament, because I would suggest that that patient has...
Zoe’s exam room
Tom: Leprosy? You're saying I have leprosy?
Zoe: What I'm saying is, there's a slight chance you've contracted something consistent with the symptoms of leprosy.
Tom: Okay, that-that's better. Sort of.
Zoe: I'm just gonna send in some blood and skin scrapings for tests. In the meantime, I need a detailed history.
Tom: Why?
Zoe: Well, some rashes are contagious. If it's leprosy, I need to know where you've been the past few days, who you've been in contact with. So we can figure out who you got it from.
Tom: Oh, like-like the monkey from Outbreak.
Zoe: Exactly.
Tom: Um, well, uh, Wanda's out of town, so I've basically been in the house all week, e-except for when I did yard work for Crazy Earl.
Zoe: Crazy Earl, Wade's dad?
Tom: Yeah.
Zoe: Tom, stay here. I'm gonna order you dinner… You're quarantined.
Tom: Oh, geez. I'm the monkey.
Zoe: Mr. Hines? It's Dr. Zoe Hart. Don't leave town just yet. I think I have a story for you.
Zoe’s house
Wade: Leprosy? Like, uh, like hands and feet falling off leprosy?
Zoe: Yes.
Wade: Hmm, I'm no doctor, but, uh, that sounds kind of made-up.
Zoe: You sound kind of made-up. And I am a doctor. Leprosy is rare, but it still exists. There are close to 4,000 cases of it in the U.S.
Wade: And you think Crazy Earl is number 4,001.
Zoe: Well, I don't know, but I need to talk to him, so I was hoping that you... What, why are you smiling?
Wade: I'm just wondering, this wouldn't have anything to do with, uh, a certain reporter from an alumni magazine wanting to write a story about you, right?
Zoe: I am not even going to dignify that with a response.
Wade: So I'll take that as a yes.
Zoe: You know what, forget it, just don't help me… But ask yourself this. What if your dad does have leprosy and you could have helped but instead you wasted my time by being a jerk, and now he's got no thumbs? How are you gonna feel then, huh?
Wade: Well, the man does like his thumbs.
Fancies
Shelby: Well, your little town is growing on me. I mean, I've-I've never met a single singing lawyer in Pensacola.
George: Yeah, well, that was a once in a lifetime performance, so...
Bar
Brick: It's ten hours to North Carolina and ten hours back, so, I mean, you could spend more time getting to the relationship than being in the relationship, so you got to ask yourself... I don't believe it.
Table
Shelby: So, tell me, how is a guy like you still single?
George: Well, I... Just recently got out of a little relationship.
Shelby: Oh, was it serious?
George: Kind of. You-you can never tell, you know?
Brick: George Tucker? I thought I saw you.
George: Brick.
Brick: Well, aren't you gonna introduce us?
George: Yes, of course. Uh, Shelby, this is Dr. Breeland. Dr. Breeland, this is Shelby.
Shelby: Hi.
Brick: Hi.
Shelby: Running into your doctor at dinner. I just love small towns.
Brick: Do you now? Hey, how about I buy the two of you kids a drink, huh?
George: No, that's really not necessary.
Shelby: Oh, that's fine with me.
Brick: Hey, Felipe, send over a bottle of Pinot, would you?
George: That's not necessary, Brick.
Brick: Oh, don't you worry about it.
Shelby: That's so sweet.
Brick: You are just adorable... A breath of fresh air.
Bar
AnnaBeth: How do you see this working again?
Lemon: Well, first we start by scouting the right guy. He should be professional, settled, with a thriving head of hair, and not from BlueBell, thus unaware of my recent tragic tragedy… Too desperate… Too hungry… Too facially hairy… And... Just right. Done.
AnnaBeth: Lemon, I do believe you have superpowers.
Lemon: I'm going to send him a drink.
AnnaBeth: Whoa. Did you just do that with your mind?
Lemon: I think I just did… You have got to be kidding me. Ruby Jeffries?
AnnaBeth: With Crickett?
Earl’s house
Wade: Hey, Earl.
Earl: Wha-what? Is it the end of times? You brought your girlfriend with you.
Zoe: Excuse me?
Wade: No. Whoa, no, no. She is not my girlfriend. No way.
Zoe: Uh-uh. Earl, I know that Tom Long was doing some work for you, and there's a chance he contracted a contagious disease.
Earl: Huh?
Wade: She thinks Tom Long's got leprosy, and you gave it to him.
Earl: Leprosy... You crazy? Just 'cause I live by myself in a shack in the woods? I've never been healthier. Fact is, I got my eye on a variable-speed juicer.
Wade: You do seem sweaty and warm.
Earl: Yeah, trying to chase stupid Randy off my property all afternoon.
Wade: Are you kidding me... Randy's back?
Zoe: Who's Randy?
Wade: Randy's an armadillo who's been driving Earl crazy the last couple years.
Zoe: Did you say armadillo? You've been in contact with an armadillo?
Earl: Yeah, I tried to ring his neck, but the scaly bastard got away.
Zoe: Wade, a minute? We have to catch that armadillo. The New England Journal of Medicine says 15% of the armadillo population is infected with leprosy.
Wade: That's fascinating. But I got better things to do than go on a half-assed armadillo hunt.
Zoe: Oh, yeah, like what? Not finish painting my carriage house?
Earl: Aw, painting your girlfriend's house? Aw, that's sweet.
Wade: He's a drunk, okay?
Earl: I may be drunk but I'm not deaf. He talks. Blah, blah, blah, Zoe, blah, blah, blah, Zoe... Blah, blah, blah, Zoe... Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.
Wade: You know what, Earl? Maybe she's right, okay? You got, you got leprosy of the brain, all right? Let's go.
Earl: Where you going?
Wade: We got an armadillo to catch.
Earl: Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Woods
Wade: You know, we could be out here forever. Everyone knows best time to catch an armadillo is at sunrise before it gets warm… What? What are you looking at?
Zoe: Oh, just someone who talks to their father about me.
Wade: No, see, I didn't do that.
Zoe: Well, he seemed pretty confident that you did.
Wade: Well, I-I wasn't talking to him. No, I mean, I-I was, uh, you know, I was probably complaining to him. Yeah, sure, about how annoying you are. And I might have been explaining to him how, how my life has become so much easier since you and I stopped sleeping together. Absolutely.
Zoe: Oh, yeah, well, for someone who's annoyed with me all the time and who definitely, positively doesn't want to sleep with me, you spend an awful lot of time at my house without a shirt.
Wade: What do you care whether or not I want to? You and I both know you'd rather waste your time being miserable about what your alumni magazine's not writing about you or mooning over somebody who's totally unavailable, hmm?
Zoe: I am not miserable. I care about my brand. And I do not moon. I have never mooned in my entire life! What the hell was that?
Wade: Congratulations, you just caught your first armadillo.
Bar
Crickett: I am so sorry. Ruby asked me out for a drink and I couldn't say no.
Lemon: It's a teeny little word, Crickett. It's very easy to say.
Crickett: Well, maybe she's changed. I bet you have a lot in common.
AnnaBeth: It's true, Lemon. Looks like you do share the same taste in men.
Ruby: I just love Italy. Every time I'm there, I never want to leave. It's the most romantic country in the world.
Walt: I know. I have this recurring dream.
Ruby: Yeah?
Walt: That I'm a sculptor in Florence… The Michelangelo of orthodontists.
Ruby: Hmm.
Lemon: I'm going in.
Ruby: That's so funny.
Lemon: Ruby Jeffries? Imagine seeing you here.
Ruby: Oh, wow, Lemon. I'm shocked you could find the road out of your small town. Uh, uh, Lemon Breeland, Walt Blodgett.
Walt: How do you do?
Lemon: Say, by any chance are you related to a Daryl Blodgett?
Walt: He's my uncle.
Lemon: No way. My daddy buys all of his cars from him. We just love Daryl.
AnnaBeth: Oh, did you see what Lemon did? The forearm graze. That's a go-to move.
Crickett: She is marking her territory like a lioness. Or a Sasquatch… What? They do that. Look.
Fancies
Shelby: And y'all have the most adorable little dress shop. I'm just gonna tell my friends, skip the mall, come straight to BlueBell.
Brick: You are delightful.
Shelby: So, how long have you been George's doctor?
Brick: Oh... Well, I think George is just probably just being shy. I'm much more than his doctor. Hell, I'm the father of his fiancee.
Shelby: Excuse me?
George: That's not true. That is not true.
Shelby: You have a fiancee?
George: I do not.
Brick: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say fiancee? My bad. I'm sorry. I meant ex-fiancee.
George: Yes, ex-fiancee. Exactly ex-fiancee.
Brick: I'm still adjusting, you know. After all, they were together for 15 years, and when it ended a couple of weeks ago, just...
Shelby: 15 years? So that's what you meant by "kind of serious."
George: Well...
Brick: Ooh. Is that what he said? "Kind of serious."
George: It was a figure of speech, Brick.
Brick: Well, I guess that explains why you walked out on her on her wedding day in front of friends, family, and an eight-course meal that cost more than a small beach house.
George: Okay, for which I have repeatedly apologized and offered to reimburse you for, Brick.
Brick: How? The only way you could afford that kind of money is if you married it.
George: Really? The last time I checked, my bank account was doing pretty good.
Maitre'D: Gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm gonna need you to leave. You're disturbing our guests.
Bar
Ruby: Walter, did I tell you that I'm running for mayor of BlueBell?
Walt: No, you did not.
Lemon: That's why she comes all the way out here to do her heavy drinking where the voters can't see. Actually, you know what? We should probably let the bartender know when to cut you off.
Ruby: Oh, Lemon. That sense of humour must have come in handy after the humiliation of being left at the altar.
Walt: Excuse me. I need to take this.
Ruby: Oh...
Walt: It's an orthodontic emergency.
Lemon: Oh, go, go, go. Go, go.
Ruby: Listen up, Lemon. Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? Queen of the Blueberry Festival, Spirit Squad, Junior Bonnet Girl, Senior Bonnet Girl, role of Wendy in Peter Pan, and first violin in the BlueBell youth orchestra.
Lemon: Trust me, I didn't forget.
Ruby: Did you think I was interested in any of those plays, pageants, and competitions? I hate Peter Pan.
Lemon: Then why did you...
Ruby: Because I wanted to beat you. Lemon, everything came so easy for you. Your whole family. It's like you Breelands just glide through town… I... Want to watch you lose.
Lemon: Well, can I tell you a secret?
Ruby: Hmm.
Lemon: That ain't gonna happen tonight.
Annabeth: Look at that. The cardigan's coming off. Go, Lemon.
Walt: My apologies. I tell you, headgear can be mighty complicated… So how we doing?
Lemon: Actually, Walt, I'm suddenly feeling... Kind of dizzy. Um, would you mind being a gentleman and taking me outside to get some fresh air?
Walt: Absolutely.
Lemon: Thank you.
Walt: Excuse us.
Practice
Zoe: I told you there'd be a story.
Martin Hines: What is that?
Zoe: Patient zero. We just may have prevented a major epidemic… Oh. It's the lab with Tom's results. This is Dr. Hart.
Wade: His name is Randy… With a "Y."
Zoe’s exam room
Zoe: The lab just called.
Tom: Am I dying? Just say it quick.
Zoe: You're perfectly healthy, Tom. The tests were negative for leprosy. The rash is benign, but your blood work... Oh, okay... Shows slightly elevated sodium, but otherwise completely normal.
Tom: Oh. I'm no longer a leper. I've got a brand-new lease on life.
Practice
Tom: Oh, snatched from the jaws of death.
Wade: Lucky us. He's got surprisingly strong arms.
Zoe: So, that'd still make a good story, right? I mean, one could say that I did change his life.
Martin Hines: One could, but this one won't. I've got a bus to catch.
Wade: Oh, come on, Doc. You can't actually be disappointed that Tom doesn't have leprosy.
Zoe: What? I'm not.
Wade: Oh, right. You're disappointed that you didn't stop the great Alabama leprosy outbreak. Which is... The same thing… You know, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but, uh, God, sometimes I think you are just the saddest person in the world. You're always looking over your shoulder, wondering what life should be instead of taking it for what it is. You're not honest about what makes you happy… You know what I'm gonna do tonight? I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna play video games for two, three hours.
Zoe: Oh, good for you. Dream big.
Wade: What I'm not gonna do is beat myself up for playing video games instead of saving the world. If I want to save the world... Hell, I'll do it tomorrow.
Zoe: If you have time between video games.
Wade: Exactly. 'Cause it's my choice. Just like it was your choice to stay in BlueBell. It was your choice to be a G.P. instead of a supersonic... Space surgeon or whatever. And it was your choice to go to bed with me. And clearly something about every one of those choices makes you happy. The problem is, they don't match up with the picture you have in your head about what your life should be, and...
Zoe: You don't know as much about me as you think.
Wade: Yeah, you know what? Maybe, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't. But I do know this... You want to be happy, Doc? Change your picture or change your life. Good night.
Rammer Jammer
Wanda: Dr. Hart. Thank God. I just got back to town and I heard about Tom.
Zoe: Oh, no, he's fine. 100%, you'll be good for your date.
Wanda: He told you about our date?
Zoe: Oh, yeah. He's really looking forward to it.
Wanda: You know, it's not just any date. It's the kind you have to make sure someone swings by your house in the morning to feed your fish.
Zoe: Wow. Really?
Wanda: Mmm.
Zoe: The big one?
Wanda: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Does Tom know?
Wanda: Oh, yeah. We've been talking about it for weeks. Oh. Good night.
Zoe: Bye.
Cafe
Lemon: Oh, it is so nice getting out of that stuffy bar. I much prefer to get to know someone outside.
Walt: 100% agree. In fact, I think there ought to be a law that all first dates should be outdoors. Under the moonlight.
Lemon: You are so charming. I bet you don't even need to use novocaine on your patients. You just flash those pretty blue eyes, it just knocks them right out… I'm sorry. I, I can't do this.
Walt: No, that was my fault. I misread...
Lemon: No, it's just that I thought... You're, you're a nice guy, Walt, but... I think I should go home.
Street
Brick: And I have never been more humiliated in my whole life.
George: You've never been more humiliated?
Brick: No.
George: Brick... You're the one that came in and hijacked my dinner.
Brick: You mean your date? Who you've been parading all around town like a hormonal teenager.
Lavon: Guys...
Brick: You can pay for the wedding.
George: Oh, thank you. Finally!
Brick: You know that's fine by me.
Lavon: Knock it off! Both of you, both of you! What's going on here?
Brick: This is a personal dispute, Lavon.
Lavon: Okay, well, it may be a personal dispute, but you're about to wake the Hendersons' baby now. Jim and Susie been sleep training that kid for weeks. How can I help you?
George: You can't.
Brick: I am gonna resent this man for as long as I live!
Lavon: No, Brick. No! Now, this town is too small for resentment like that. All right, ain't nobody going home till we solve this thing here, right now… Okay, George, now, I-I want you to just forget everything that's been said here tonight.
George: Not happening.
Lavon: Okay, now, I know it ain't easy, but just, look, tell me this, okay? Now, if you had one more thing that you could say to Brick Breeland for the rest of your days, for the rest of your days, what would it be?
George: That is not a fair question to be asking me right now, Lavon.
Lavon: All right, but still I'm asking it… Hmm?
George: You know what I'd say, Brick? I'd say I'm sorry… That I really am so truly sorry for breaking your daughter's heart. The last thing I would ever want to do in this world was hurt her or hurt you… 'Cause the fact of the matter is, you-you've been... Hell, you've been nothing less than a father to me, Brick.
Brick: Well... Maybe that's... Maybe that's why it hurts so much… I mean, Lemon's loss... It was my loss, too… I mean, you... You were in my family for 15 years. It felt like I was losing a son.
Lavon: Y'all go and, uh, shake hands.
Zoe’s exam room
Zoe: I took another look at your blood tests, and in addition to the sodium, there was a slightly elevated level of hypericin.
Tom: Oh, boy.
Zoe: Oh, no, don't panic. It's not bad. It turns out, hypericin is the active ingredient in an organic supplement called Saint-John's-wort. Have you heard of it?
Tom: I-I have.
Zoe: People use it primarily to treat anxiety. Were you?
Tom: Maybe.
Zoe: Tom, as your doctor, can I ask you if your anxiety has anything to do with Wanda?
Tom: Uh...
Zoe: Having sex with someone for the first time is a big deal.
Tom: Ee... So is having sex for the first time.
Zoe: I see.
Tom: I-I... I love Wanda, but-but I'm a religious person, and I always thought I would wait till I was married, but... But she says we're ready, and, like, and I don't, I don't want to disappoint her, and I've been through, like, six boxes of Saint-John's-wort.
Zoe: You know what, Tom? Just talk to Wanda and tell her the truth.
Tom: But what if I lose her?
Zoe: I don't believe that you will… But it's your life, and you have to be honest with yourself about how you want to live it.
Street
George: Dr. Hart. What are you doing out this late?
Zoe: Heading home from work. You?
George: I actually just had a first date.
Zoe: Oh… And how did it go?
George: Well, it-it started out strong, and then Brick showed up.
Zoe: What?! Ooh. Disaster?
George: Uh... I don't know. Would you call the Hindenburg a disaster?
Zoe: Uh, hmm... Hmm. Well, you survived.
George: Very true. Very true. And it actually did feel good to have myself out there. You know, just trying… Just got to put yourself first sometimes, I guess.
Zoe: Yeah, you do.
George: All right, then. Good night, Zoe.
Street
Lavon: I'm a problem solver. And nothing brings me more satisfaction in this world than solving the problems of BlueBell.
Ruby: I'm-I'm sorry, we-were we having a conversation?
Lavon: This morning you-you asked me why I want to be mayor, and I'm-I'm telling you.
Ruby: A good 12 hours later.
Lavon: Do you even know what a mayor is? A mediator. Yeah. People come to you with every issue you can imagine, and it is your job to figure out what they need. And guess what. I'm good at it. As a matter of fact, I'm great at it.
Ruby: For a football player.
Lavon: No. Listen close, Ruby. I am proud of what I've done for this town, more than any tackle I ever made in the NFL. And yeah, job fell in my lap 'cause of who I was... But who I was is not who I am now.
Ruby: And who are you now?
Lavon: I'm Mayor Lavon Hayes. And I intend to stay that way.
Ruby: For another month, anyway… This is gonna be fun. Night, Lavon.
Boat
AnnaBeth: Lemon. Over here. Hmm. Climb aboard to my floating crap shack, or as I call it, the S.S. Metaphor for My Marriage.
Lemon: I don't know. Fresh coat of paint, some curtains... You could spruce that thing right up.
AnnaBeth: And still I'd rather sink it. How'd your evening pan out? You engaged yet?
Lemon: Oh, it was a terrible idea. I don't know why you insisted on having a girls' night out anyway.
AnnaBeth: Lemon, talk to me. What is going on with you? This whole race with George, hunting for a husband?
Lemon: It's only been a couple weeks, and he's already dating.
AnnaBeth: Who cares when George Tucker starts dating? It's got nothing to do with you.
Lemon: I know.
AnnaBeth: But I will say this. I do think you were in better shape the day after your wedding blew up. Remember? You were gonna get an apartment, find a job, be a whole new Lemon Breeland. What happened?
Lemon: It was too hard. I-I... I couldn't afford to move out on my own. I was the worst waitress that the Rammer Jammer's ever seen.
AnnaBeth: So? You get back out there and try again… You want an apartment? Move onto this houseboat. Hell, I'll even help you paint it.
Lemon: You're serious?
AnnaBeth: Yes… You want a job? Spend ten minutes, and figure out what you're good at. No, we know it's not waitressing. But Crickett and I were watching you at the bar during our girls' night. Know what we saw?
Lemon: A crazy-competitive nut job fighting over a dentist with admittedly decent hair?
AnnaBeth: A force of nature at work. Someone who doesn't hear the word "no". When you set your mind to something, you will it into existence. You always have… Take those powers and use 'em for good.
Lavon’s house
Lemon: How badly do you want to beat Ruby Jeffries for mayor?
Lavon: More than you know.
Lemon: Then let me run your campaign. You will be unbeatable, Lavon. No one wants to see Ruby Jeffries go away more than I do. And when I set my mind to something...
Lavon: Oh, okay. Okay. Can I think about it?
Lemon: Sure. You can give me your answer on Monday. You can find me at my new home... AnnaBeth's houseboat.
Lavon: Wait, wait. Lemon Breeland's living on a boat?
Lemon: That's me. I'm just full of surprises.
Wade’s house
Wade: Let's go. Get around him, man. Come on! Hey… Well, what have you got there?
Zoe: I know this guy, kind of an amateur expert on happiness, and according to him, playing video games like Halo actually increases people's overall levels of happiness. It's scientific.
Wade: Huh. You know, I, uh... I think I've heard similar things.
Zoe: Well, as a person of science, I figure, I ought to see if there's any truth to it.
Wade: I agree… As it turns out, I have one of these, uh, happiness machines that will play your so-called "video games." You, uh... You want me to fire it up?
Zoe: Well, if you want to.
Wade: Yeah. Hey, why don't you, uh, why don't you grab a seat? Hey, while we're, uh... While we're on the subject, I've actually read news studies that say that, uh, a strip version of the game actually makes people even happier. Yeah.
Zoe: Really?
Wade: Yeah, it's weird.
Zoe: Strip Halo?
Wade: Uh-huh.
Zoe: I don't know. That sounds pretty complicated.
Wade: No, not really. It's actually pretty simple. I think you'd get the hang of it.
Zoe: Well, you are the expert, so I guess we ought to try it.
Wade: Right. Right, 'cause who doesn't want to be happy?
